Family

Man is a social animal they say. Through time, the concept of society has evolved to help us better survive the challenges nature and life in general sends our way. And the central concept..the very basic unit of society is family. A set of individuals, related by blood….people who, for better or for worse, are ,if nothing else, biologically connected to you for the length of your life.

Now people have varying definitions of families. Mine has always been an extremely self-limiting one. I have grown up in what people call a nuclear family….mom,dad,sister and that’s it. And even if I do include my immediate relatives, it’d still be a pretty small sized family (I know of people who have 10 siblings and stuff….my mind cant even begin to comprehend that kind of scale!!!). When I was a kid, I used to always think that things are absolutely perfect…my family is just great. Its amazing the things that can go unnoticed (either consciously or subconsciously) when you are a kid….and I think as kids we fight real hard to preserve the belief that all things are hunky dory in life. Well it wasn’t too long before I realised that things are not perfect in my family. In fact if you took a close enough look, there was enough family drama to make Ekta kapoor very very happy. Weird interfering relatives, disagreements among siblings, tragic events and super-human courage and will power…we seemed to have it all. One would think, that having so many stories to narrate would make one pretty happy. But then having a dysfunctional family is everything but a happy thing. And all around me I’d see friends whose family seemed perfectly fine…united and happy!!!! And that would just make things worse….why is it that things don’t seem to work just when it comes to my people???

And to make matters worse, depending on which side is telling the story, the people who are close to you might just seem to be in the wrong. I struggled against that for years…still do I feel. Call it stupid, blind loyalty if you like, but I refused to accept that anybody I loved could make mistakes. Its taken some growing up, but I’ve finally accepted that some things though unpleasant are true. That the people I love, wonderful as they all are, are still in the end…human!!! No one is perfect….and everyone is just as liable to make mistakes and wrong calls of judgement. All of us, at some point in time, have said things we later regret, hurt people or done things to distance people we love. Its all a part of life…….a part of who we are. We make mistakes and we learn, and hopefully experience makes us better people (hopefully sooner rather than later!!!). And if you have enough close friends, they’ll tell you that it’s the same with them too. Each of us has stories to tell, some happy…many sad! While some do seem to be luckier than the others, families are the same no matter where you go.

Times are changing….and now friends are more like family to most of us. But I don’t think families will ever become defunct. No matter what our definition of family may be, but I think we all rely on it more than we realise. We take it for granted too, that’s for sure. But knowing that your family is out there….it gives a sense of belonging that can never be replaced!!! Call it dysfunctional, or call it unique…whatever it may be…..Family to akhir family hoti hai J

Breaking the shackles

Before i start this post, let me put a disclaimer to all the guys out there (not like a thousand guys are gonna read this, but still!!! ). This may not be a post all of you are comfortable reading. It requires you to have made your peace with all the "facts of life", so read on if you have the stomach for it!

A few days ago, i found myself reading an interesting article in the Hindu (somehow reading tht paper makes me feel much less dumb..its nice!!!hehe) about this man who had taken up the task of devising an easy and cheap method of manufacturing sanitary napkins for women!!(http://www.thehindu.com/life-and-style/society/article2875390.ece?homepage=true) While he was motivated by the poor and unhygienic methods used by his own wife during her periods, his efforts to figure out a better alternative were actually met with a lot of disgust and disapproval by his family! While he has now gone on to establish his initiative in many states across the country, it amazed me that the women in his life were the ones that supported him the least!!Is this topic really so taboo that they;d rather not talk about it than have a healthier option for their own good??!

I for one found myself amazed by tht guy's sensitivity. Most guys are either completely unaware of this whole concept, willfully ignore it or think its just one more excuse used by girls to get their way!!! A majority don't have a single clue what girls actually go through during their cycle, let alone the pitfalls that come with it be it pain or body ache or weakness!!! I once had a debate with my close friends about this...cursing all guys for being so dense and so awkward about this whole issue. It used to irk me that when girls used to go home half-day coz of their periods, u'd have guys irritating u like hell, demanding to know what happened to her and absolutely not taking the hint when u say she's not well or something!!!More often than not, unless a guy lives in a home with a significant number of women, they can go thru their whole adolescence not having a clue what a menstrual cycle actually is!! Having a girlfriend can be a real eye opener for guys that way!!!hehe. Seriously, if guys could just be a little more sensible and sensitive about the whole issue then our lives would be so much easier!!!

But then my friend came up with a very valid point....why should girls expect guys to have this divine understanding of whats going on?? Why should they have to guess at the real reason their friends are going home early? Whats stopping us girls from telling them the straight up that the xyz girl is just having menstrual cramps or whatever?!! If we being girls, for whom monthly periods are a fact of life, can feel awkward about bringing up this topic then why should we even expect guys to be comfortable with this? Though i may consider myself modern, maybe there isn't tht much difference between me and the scores of other women who are just as bound by senseless traditions! i may not go into isolation or anything, but i'd still think twice before going to religious place/function during my cycle.....knowing full well that my sentiments and my physical state have absolutely no connection! Those rules were made for a reason....my mom's take on it is, that considering the amount of physical labor women in earlier days had to do, periods were a time of the month when they were legitimately asked to rest and take a break from work. When that got twisted out of control i have no clue....but it still doesn't justify our blind acceptance of it!

Well, if a man can break the shackles of society, and make a difference....maybe there's hope for the rest of us yet!!! Amen to that!!!

Spark of creativity

I've never really been a very creative person....dancing is just about the only artistic thing i have done, and even then that is more of doing qhat others have taught me rather than coming up with new things myself. Its somehting i never even tried as a kid....I still remember the drawing exams in primary school.....i could never really let go, do whateer i felt like.....always colored between the lines!!!! "you can draw anything you like"" they'd say....and i believe i always drew the same generic picture....a mountain the background hiding a setting sun, v shaped birds in the sky and in the foreground a silent river with a quaint little house on its banks and of course 2 stick-shaped people to complete the picture. i drew what i knew i could manage, drew to gain marks or approval....can u imagine a kid actually getting tense before an arts and craft exam?!!! Well, i did!! Its the only exam i ever stayed up late for!!!!

Even outside the context of exams, i don;t think i ever truly opened up my mind. I never star gazed....playing join the dots to come up with new figures. Dont ever think i did the whole "Look at the clouds and tell me which shapes u see" bit!!! Hell, now that i think about it, i was downright boring as a kid!!!hehe....Truth be told i havent improved much over the years. Considering my lack of imagination and aversion to experimentation, one would wonder at my decision to take up research. Don't worry, I am just as puzzled as you are at my decision and about my future as well. Keeping my fingers crossed on tht issue!!! :)

Anyway now that the mandatory walk down memory lane part of this post is over, let me get to what i actually did wanna write about!!! It was a normal weekday afternoon, and i was sitting in my room post lunch, before i headed back to lab. There i was randomly staring at the floor of my room when suddenly something clicked!!! Now the floor my room is this plain old stone with lots of different shades and marks that come with long use.....but on tht afternoon, my floor was suddenly not tht boring! Out of nowhere, i could discern shapes in those random marks. And unlike the fuzzy quality of my dreams, these were crystal clear. I could see faces, features, expressions...u name it and it was there!!! As i concentrated each of those shapes became clearer...emerging from the background. A boy and a girl in each others arms, a lonely woman looking longingly at the moon, an old man;terrified out of his wits; hiding in a corner against a mirror (his reflection visible in the background) and a soldier explaining a battleplan to his comrades!!!

It lasted for a few minutes at the most, but it was amazingly exhilarating!! I guess this is something akin to the buzz that people describe when they are high on drugs....they say its supposed to drive ur creativity way up!! Well rest assured that i didnt intentionally do anything to stimulate brain activity like tht....maybe the simplest explanation is just that i am going mad and hey we already knew that didn't we?!! :P But whatever it was it felt really refreshing....here's hoping creative bursts like tht happen more often...hell my work could really use something like tht right now!! Yet another thing i'm keeping my fingers crossed for :)

There are movies....and then there are MOVIES!!!!

I am by nature a very emotional person....and one of my biggest and everlasting passions is movies!! From as far back as i can remember, watching movies has kind of been our favourite family activity. In fact we pride ourselves on being able to withstand any type of cinema be it nonsensical slapstick comedy, hard core romance or science fiction (though horror is one genre i still have to try out!!!) and never, i repeat NEVER leaving a theatre halfway through a movie (sheer sacrilege!!!). But of all these genres, my nature (and people would say my gender) endows me with a special ability to appreciate romantic and emotional movies!!! :) Ok well i admit it, i can really be a sucker for emotional movies!!!hehe....

I've seen them all, from the stupidest mills n boon romance flick to yash chopra's epic love stories to tragic movies like artificial intelligence. I've always loved the process of watching such movies....being able to place yourselves in the shoes of each of the characters, imagining what it would be like to go through the same things as them....making each emotion that much more personal and real. Such an approach is not without its repercussions......with those 2-3 hours of cinema bringing with it peaks of happiness and equally heart-wrenching lows...a lifetime's experience condensed into a couple of hours which can sometimes stay with you even once you come out of the movie hall. It is this quality that sets some movies apart from the run-of-the-mill love stories....movies that connect with you in some deep and inexplicable way. Of the countless movies that i have seen, very few fall into this category....stories like Veer Zaara (i dont care if ppl hate me for naming this movie), Devdas and most of all Dil Se!!!

Recently, i had the good sense and good fortune of watching Rockstar in the theatre....and by God, was it an experience!!! I went in having heard mixed reviews for the movie....and after watching it, there's no wonder why!!! Its the kind of movie that you will either love or not understand at all!! You might find the locales beautiful, love the music...but if you don't connect with the emotion, then it was all in vain!! Its one of those movies, that has released at the exactly right time in my life. Even though i would've ordinarily hated to admit this, there are some things you just cannot understand unless you have gone through a similar experience yourself......has it ever happened that you have listened to and liked/disliked a song in your young days and then suddenly heard it years later and finally understood and appreciated it (Listen to 'Somewhere over the rainbow" by Harry Nilson from the soundtrack of The wizard of Oz, maybe you'll understand what i'm trying to say)!!! You can sympathize with a character no end, but personal experiences can take empathy to a whole different level! The rebellion, passion and pain of Jordan in Rockstar, has struck a chord somewhere deep within....with music that has a soul of its own, its a movie i believe everyone should watch....if nothing else, it might give you an better understanding of the kind of person you are. It may not be appreciated by the masses...atleast not for the right reasons.....but still it'll remain one of the best cinematic experiences i've ever had. A heartfelt and sincere thanks to Imtiaz Ali and Rahman for this beautiful vision called rockstar!!!!

Friendship

We meet and interact with countless people everyday....be it in the workplace, a next-door neighbor or a random person on the street. Of these innumerable interactions, there emerge certain kindred spirits....people who make the rare transition from strangers and acquaintances to close friends. You never can predict when and how two people hit it off....sometimes its coz they have loads in common from hobbies to work to ideals and sometimes you can have two very different people coming together, learning from each other and managing to complement the other in surprising ways!!

In today's day and age, these friends are almost like our surrogate family....bound by ties that can go much deeper than plain genetics. Every thing we do, every decision we take, every new person that enters our lives has an effect on the others in this close-knit circle. We depend and many a times take for granted their support and encouragement in times of need and more often than not, are never let down! But what happens if we are doing something wrong...making the wrong choices?? Our ego can sometimes be our worst enemy, quietly assuring us that we are in control....that we can handle the situation. Protests and words of advice from this same family get a patient ear initially and if we are lucky, then better sense prevails. But what if that doesn't happen?? What if we have reached a point where we no longer have the ability to be objective about our actions? Then this same advice, words of protest and concern start to irk us....we no longer want to listen to any arguments...just want peace!!! What then should our friends do?? Admit that they can't get through to us and in the interest of harmony keep quiet?? Let us do as we please??

Its the worst kind of test to put our friends through....making them fight against us for our own good.....and its only the closest of friends who have the courage to do it. We would be truly fortunate to have such people around us.....

Boundaries

I have always had a problem making up my mind...figuring out which option is correct or finding the ideal answer to a question. My standard reply to any such dilemma tends to be “ depends....” followed by this long set of conditions, if and but statements....and at the end of this long drawn speech will come my answer, given in the most mild and diplomatic manner so as to not ruffle any feathers!!!! My diplomacy set aside, i have never understood how so many people seem to have such a clear cut idea of what to do in a particular situation. They talk in absolutes, having exact rules and boundaries which must be abided!!! It would be untrue to say that I’ve never had ideas like that. Doesn’t really take much to watch N number of movies, put yourself in the umpteen moral dilemmas that the hero/heroine always manage to find themselves and then coolly pass judgement, stating very categorically that the xyz character should of course have known better and how you would’ve acted differently if placed in their shoes. Truth be told, this kind of judgement even happens in real life. But what i’ve realised is, you can never truly know how you will behave until you are actually going through that particular situation. At that time, the unbiased objectivity of an onlooker eludes you no matter how much you search for it. You struggle just to prevent your emotions and fears from taking a hold of you and clouding your judgement. Struggle to sift through the mountains of advice and solutions that people ever-so-generously bestow on you...which actually tend to confuse you even more, rather than do any good. And even at the end of all this, it is quite likely that you may not find the right answer or do the right thing....or at the very least there will be a section of people who think you are wrong. Makes me think that there’s never really just one right answer for everyone. Each person, each situation is different....and even if the right path might seem apparent to most, its that person’s ability to accept, execute and stand by the consequences of his/her choice that make it right or wrong. It would be ever so convenient if we were all divinely aware of the line dividing right from wrong. I guess the best we can hope for is to set our own boundaries and have the courage to stick by them....the rest will take care of itself...I hope!!!

Attachments

We never really realise how intertwined our lives are with the people around us..the people close to us. A tight web, where each person’s happiness, joys, sorrows and disappointments wash over like waves over everyone else ever so softly, that we don’t even notice. How a close friend’s problems take over our thoughts...all our focus concentrated on getting that problem solved, bringing a smile back to that person’s face!!! Some people might call it a weakness...this dependence on others, close friends or family though they may be....getting so involved and affected by other’s lives that it hampers our own! But truth be told, life has no meaning without these bonds and attachments....atleast not to me. I don’t think of myself as having any great purpose in life, nor any great ambitions or desires. I live for the people around me....for the people who are close to me. Its not the end result or any particular goal that drives me. Just the thought of sharing this journey with the people i love and care for. Each thought shared, every smile, every tear shed with and for them enriches every day of my life. Call it my weakness, but in truth they are my strength.