Memories!

I was trying to sleep the other night (before midnight for a change) when i randomly started a walk down memory lane....trying to spot some of the most vivid memories i have of my life till date. Thought i'd give you a glimpse of the same

1) Mom: i don't think there's ever beena time growing up that i wasn't amazingly attached to her. I remember crying at nights when i couldn't sleep with her when i was a little kid. Missing her like hell when i used to go down to my grandparents' house for a vacation and counting the days to when she'd come and take me back home.

2) Dad: I've loved being his little pet as a kid. I could never forget the way he's stand at the door of a lift pretending to magically open the door or waiting at the doors of a movie theatre wanting to be the first to get in. I was always the connecting bridge between him and mom n sis....even if we all went out together, dad would be somewhere at the horizon marching ahead, i'd be running behind him scared i'd lose him in the crowd while mom and sis would be walking at their own pace somewhere in the back. God sometimes he can be more of a kid than me!!! :)

3) Sis: My one and only friend through childhood. I remember always trying to butt in while she and her other friennds got together and she used to get frustrated and close the door of the room. Man i used to feel left out then. Thankfully i grew out of being her bratty little sister to a close friend pretty soon!

4) Crush: I had my first crush in school (though i didnt realse it at the time). He was a good friend at first. But then teenage struck. You ever notice how guys turn crazy around 7th standard...its like they get a testosterone burst or something that turns all of them into jerks!!! ANd he of course turned into this all cool stud who i just couldn't stand. I hated him for years to come....first time i genuinely felt like cursing someone!!!hehe......Ah of course, i got to be someone's crush in school too (though i admit these occassions have bbeen few and far between. what can a girl do???!!) He was a total gunk, tho i still maintain that he was a gunk with good taste!!hehe...Avoided him most of the time. But i admit it always is a bit flattering to think that someone likes you!

5) Miss Cellophane: New into college (11th)...didn't know anyone except some of my schoolmates. We had a group of 12 of which only 11 actually mattered. Its the most horrible feeling on earth to feel like nobody would actually notice if you left. Cried my eyes out on more occassions than i'd like to admit. College couldn't have ended soon enough for me!!!

6) Depression: I think 12th was my most traumatic year ever. AT home for more than 6 months. Not a single friend who had biology and hence no company. Alone at home atleast 8hrs a day. Constant pressure of upcoming exams and entrances. I fluctuated between study and time pass with an ever present feeling of guilt for whiling my time away. I was averse to any length of time alone at home for years to come!!!

7) Rejection: Ever had a huge crush on one of your good friends??? Well i did....its goddamn awful being subjected to a narrative of his long list of girlfriends. It was a stupid, slightly illogical crush..but it still hurt to know that he would never think of me in that way. Thank god, i managed to get past that while still retaining him as a friend.

8) Love: Is there really anything i can say that hasn't been said a thousand times before??? Its really unfair to try to sum the feeling up in a few words. I'm just lucky i found him.

There are probably thousand other memories. Its weird some some of the sad ones seem to leave more of an impression that the happy ones. But there's no way i can deny the immense happiness i feel at sharing my life with my family and my best friends. Here's to many more memorable times with all of you!!!!

Confession

This is probably one of my most spontaneous(and probabaly ill-thought ) posts. Its almost midnight...i'm pretty sleep deprived and yet stuck reading for an upcoming presentation. I've had this nagging feeling for a few days now....a feeling that something's missing in my life.... as if i'm missing in my life. And in the middle of all this, i end up looking up photos of one of my friends....out studying in the US. roaming around, having a good time. My mind tries telling me that those are just snapshots of their life, that they probably have just as many lows, just as much frustration. To top it off, i have a whole bunch of my friends including 2 of my best friends, on their way or already in the US. and at the end of it all...i can't escape this god-awful feeling of just being left behind. Its kinda hard to assure them that they are making the right choice without trying to apply the same logic to my own life. Did i chicken out and settle for something, instead of going all out for something i was so convinced i wanted??? If nothing else, it've would've been a new experience, an amazing opportunity to widen my own horizons! I know i should be thankful that i am close to home, that i have the luxury of seeing the people i love whenever i want. And even though i crib, i know that i have been lucky to find a really good and caring set of friends here. Maybe this is just me being sad at the prospect of not seeing my friends again for years to come. To all of those who are are leaving, i need not tell you that i am happy for all of you,from the bottom of my heart. And i hope that all of us, find what we are looking for in life and most important of all...find each other again. Here's to friendship!!!