A few days ago, on a bus ride home (home being iisc as of now) i started thinking about my life and how i got to be me. Its amazing, but when i think about it i myself find it hard to believe how much i've changed in the past few years.
Since i was a little kid, i have always been kinda lost....not exactly sure of who i was or what i wanted. I have always been surrounded by relatively dominant personalities, my DAD, sis, grandmom and even mom is some cases (no fault of theirs, just who they are!), the end result being that you have a relatively clueless kid with a really impressionable mind surrounded by ppl who know exactly what they want. Since then, i got into this habit of trying to be like the people around, my way of trying to fit in i guess! And it manifested itself in pretty irritating ways sometimes, the worst affected being my sister!!! Poor thing, she had to bear the brunt of being my idol!!! I wanted to do everything she did...go to school like her, talk like her...everything you can think of!!! Hell i actually learnt to write by writing over her words in her school notebook...played with and broke most of her toys too!!!hehe....Sorry babes, for being such a pain in the neck (i had to stop myself from using more graphic language on the off chance that my mom reads this!!hehe).
Suffice to say, i went through most of my childhood, being exactly what people around me wanted...as long as they were happy i must be doing things right!!!model child and all....in short BORING!!!I doubt anyone who knows me now will believe it, but i was shy as hell!i barely if ever went anywhere without my mom, i spoke less...and that too only with girls.never had a guy as a good friend for ages...and worst of all, i never met anyone who i had stuff in common with or who didnt think i was kinda weird (being a teacher's daughter didn't wuite help either!!). So once again, i became what they wanted me to become.They all thought i was their good friend, when they didnt know me at all.
Looking at all this, moving to Pune has done wonders for me!!!I sometimes wish i'd grown up in a big city like that, (at least compared to raigad it seemed big to me then!!!)i would've probably been very different! For the first time i had real friends, though i had rough patches there too. And it gave me my best friends sanika, manasi and of course ajay!!! And my fave place of all in Pune is the University!!! I think the 5 years i spent there were like a whirlwind for me...i totally did a 180 degree change, except this time i was being me!!!I had a great set of friends..both guys and girls!! I especially have to thank the guys in my group, for being such great friends. I spent like 70% of my time with them, and turned into this total buddy type person. They ogled at girls in front of me, swore in front of me (occasionally!) and basically totally forgot that i was a girl!!! But i had loads of fun with them, and learnt a lot too. Dont get me wrong, some of my best memories are of night outs with the girls, but guys talk abt such a huge variety of stuff, its fascinating!!! And the best thing about the group as a whole was, no judgment!!! i could be myself, act crazy, dance away to glory and they didnt mind at all. its an unbelievably liberating feeling.....acceptance like that comes rarely!!
And now that i'm in a totally new city, people seem to think i've always been this way!! its pretty funny actually...and i'm sure that most people wud think that i'm kidding (if were not for the excruciating detail in which i've written this post...making it so boring that there's no doubt that its true!!!). Well now i think i'm actually getting crazier by the day...probably making up for my childhood that i wasted being serious and boring!!! so here's hopin i can sustain this craziness through my phd (lord knows it can extinguish enthusiasm of all sorts if u let it!). Sorry for this extremely long and boring post...guess i now know why actors tend to talk so much when they get nostalgic on receiving a lifetime's achievement award and stuff (thats me getting filmi again, u can prepare urself for a post on that in the near future!hehe).
LOOKING BACK AT THE YEARS,
I CAN NOW SEE
HOW SCARED I WAS...SCARED TO BE ME..
IT AINT GONNA BE EASY,
BUT I'VE MADE A START...
ONE BY ONE..TEARING MY FEARS APART..
A DAY WILL COME...
WHEN I'LL FINALLY UNDERSTAND..
THIS GIRL IN THE MIRROR..WHO HOLDS MY HAND.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Dancing and me!!!!
Well i figured that the easiest way to find something to post would be to write about stuff that i love! And though that list is pretty huge, the first position is without any doubt taken by DANCING!!!!Dancing per se is a pretty common "hobby". But for someone like me, hobby doesnt even come close to describing what i feel for dance!!!
From the time that i can remember i have always loved dance. Even as a kid, i was fully capable of breaking into dance at a moment's notice. Even now i can be caught in the corridors or hallways, dancing while i think no one is looking (or to be more honest i dont really care if they do!!) And unlike most people, i dont even need music to play out loud....i am perfectly capable of playing a song in mu head and beginning to dance to it!!!!I have realised that its almost impossible for me to not respond to music....either my hands or my feet or head are bound to be in action (even if i seem perfectly still you can bet in my head i'm doing one hell of a jig!!!)
People seem to interpret my love for dance as a natural consequence of my being good at it. they couldnt be further from the truth!!! Its kinda hard to explain, but nothing makes me as happy as dance does!! Throughout my life there have been a lot of things that i have done for reasons ranging from academic to personal...done them because i had to or was expected to! But dance is one thing that i know for sure i was born to do!!! And this has got nothing to do with my dancing skill at all...its just who i am..the real me!! even today when i'm low or depressed all i need to do is put on a song and just dance...not for an audience, but just for me.its not about the steps or the rhythm or the song....its about me losing myself in the music, and for that span of time the troubles just dont exist anymore!!! people need drugs or alcohol or food to forget their woes....i just need to dance!! :)
I have seen a lot of people who are proper dance professionals, learnt dance for years, and all that. And yet they seem to dance only for an audience, only when they have practised and perfected their act! But play a normal song, and they dont respond, they are not even tempted by the music!! With all due respect to their skill, i wouldnt call them dancers at all!! Dancing is not about training and performances....if u want to make a career out of it then sure. but in essence dance is highly personal! It comes from within you....and the purpose of dancing is not to entertain others...its sole purpose is to set you free. There are so many people out there,who are just too shy to dance. You dont know what they are missing people! Just try locking yourself in your room someday, put on a favourite song and let yourself go crazy! no inhibitions....no judgement....simply you! i guarantee that you'll have the time of your life! It'll make you feel more alive than you've ever felt before! (anyone remember the way fat monica dancing in friends?? now thats what i'm talking about~ :-) ) And dont worry about anyone seeing you...if a person is truly enjoying themselves..be it while dancing or singing or anythng else, there's not a person on earth who could look at them and resist smiling. they might think you've gone crazy...but after all, all of us need to go crazy once in a while. Its my brand of therapy and it can work wonders!!
So guys..keep dancing and keep smiling!!
O very happy in my heart dil dance maare re!!! (i know the song is crazy but its just so much fun!!!)
From the time that i can remember i have always loved dance. Even as a kid, i was fully capable of breaking into dance at a moment's notice. Even now i can be caught in the corridors or hallways, dancing while i think no one is looking (or to be more honest i dont really care if they do!!) And unlike most people, i dont even need music to play out loud....i am perfectly capable of playing a song in mu head and beginning to dance to it!!!!I have realised that its almost impossible for me to not respond to music....either my hands or my feet or head are bound to be in action (even if i seem perfectly still you can bet in my head i'm doing one hell of a jig!!!)
People seem to interpret my love for dance as a natural consequence of my being good at it. they couldnt be further from the truth!!! Its kinda hard to explain, but nothing makes me as happy as dance does!! Throughout my life there have been a lot of things that i have done for reasons ranging from academic to personal...done them because i had to or was expected to! But dance is one thing that i know for sure i was born to do!!! And this has got nothing to do with my dancing skill at all...its just who i am..the real me!! even today when i'm low or depressed all i need to do is put on a song and just dance...not for an audience, but just for me.its not about the steps or the rhythm or the song....its about me losing myself in the music, and for that span of time the troubles just dont exist anymore!!! people need drugs or alcohol or food to forget their woes....i just need to dance!! :)
I have seen a lot of people who are proper dance professionals, learnt dance for years, and all that. And yet they seem to dance only for an audience, only when they have practised and perfected their act! But play a normal song, and they dont respond, they are not even tempted by the music!! With all due respect to their skill, i wouldnt call them dancers at all!! Dancing is not about training and performances....if u want to make a career out of it then sure. but in essence dance is highly personal! It comes from within you....and the purpose of dancing is not to entertain others...its sole purpose is to set you free. There are so many people out there,who are just too shy to dance. You dont know what they are missing people! Just try locking yourself in your room someday, put on a favourite song and let yourself go crazy! no inhibitions....no judgement....simply you! i guarantee that you'll have the time of your life! It'll make you feel more alive than you've ever felt before! (anyone remember the way fat monica dancing in friends?? now thats what i'm talking about~ :-) ) And dont worry about anyone seeing you...if a person is truly enjoying themselves..be it while dancing or singing or anythng else, there's not a person on earth who could look at them and resist smiling. they might think you've gone crazy...but after all, all of us need to go crazy once in a while. Its my brand of therapy and it can work wonders!!
So guys..keep dancing and keep smiling!!
O very happy in my heart dil dance maare re!!! (i know the song is crazy but its just so much fun!!!)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Why the hell did i start a blog??!!!
Well its been years since my friends have been telling me to start my own blog (lord i hope they werent being sarcastic!!!) and as usual i've been dragging my feet about it for all all this time. a few months ago i finally decided to get off my ass and do something about it....and then came blogger asked me the most basic question...BLOG TITLE!!!!
lord know, i've never been so blank in my entire life!!! having read a few blogs over the years, i'd seen the immense thought and creativity that a blog title could have. talk about pressure yaar!!!! trying to come up with a word or phrase that not only sums up my blog content but also makes ppl wanna read it (or atleast doesnt discourage them from doing so!!!).
well yesterday night, the Michael jackson song Man in the mirror suddenly popped into my head and i thought i cud adapt it to suit my purposes (its kinda cheesy, and i probably dont qualify as a "girl" anymore, but i prefer being ignorant for the moment).
Now having passed this first hurdle, i'm hoping that coming up with posts at regular intervals wont be that much of a problem...whether they will be worth reading or not is up to u guys to decide!!!! But anyone who's ever kept a diary will probably know that just trying to put your thoughts into words can sometimes help you sort out the confusion in your head....and i could certainly use some clarity!!!
So here's hoping for many more (good??) posts to come in the near future and some valuable and enjoyable comments from you!!!
lord know, i've never been so blank in my entire life!!! having read a few blogs over the years, i'd seen the immense thought and creativity that a blog title could have. talk about pressure yaar!!!! trying to come up with a word or phrase that not only sums up my blog content but also makes ppl wanna read it (or atleast doesnt discourage them from doing so!!!).
well yesterday night, the Michael jackson song Man in the mirror suddenly popped into my head and i thought i cud adapt it to suit my purposes (its kinda cheesy, and i probably dont qualify as a "girl" anymore, but i prefer being ignorant for the moment).
Now having passed this first hurdle, i'm hoping that coming up with posts at regular intervals wont be that much of a problem...whether they will be worth reading or not is up to u guys to decide!!!! But anyone who's ever kept a diary will probably know that just trying to put your thoughts into words can sometimes help you sort out the confusion in your head....and i could certainly use some clarity!!!
So here's hoping for many more (good??) posts to come in the near future and some valuable and enjoyable comments from you!!!
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