I don't think I'd ever have thought of taking a trip like this if left to my own devices. For some reason my eye has always turned inward more easily rather than looking out towards the world. There's a lot out there to see...people, places, behavior...nature in all it's glory. Try as I may though, looking out still doesnt cone easy.
It's like I took a vow to go through life as unnoticed and safe as possible. I can survive /get through uncertainty but I can't yet seem to enjoy it!! A train journey all by myself and I take the first chance I get to escape into the cocoon of the upper berth! Land in a strange new place and I will rather sit inside the ladies waiting room than explore!!! Sometimes even at home I find myself escaping into a book rather than talk/fight/ have fun with my family. I know in my head that I should treasure these times while I have them. Tomorrow I'll move to a new country and these times, this company is what I'll miss the most, even though I'll have all the time I want to read my books! Hell if I continue like this , fat chance I'll ever make new friends and have new adventures there.
Looks like this so called "social" girl has been an introvert in disguise all along. Or maybe I'm a little bit of both. Maybe if I just accept and revel in it, I won't feel trapped anymore. I can be social when I want and retire to my cosy books when I want. Kinda like Jekyl and Hyde, minus all the depressing and sociopathic tendencies obviously!! :P
It's like I took a vow to go through life as unnoticed and safe as possible. I can survive /get through uncertainty but I can't yet seem to enjoy it!! A train journey all by myself and I take the first chance I get to escape into the cocoon of the upper berth! Land in a strange new place and I will rather sit inside the ladies waiting room than explore!!! Sometimes even at home I find myself escaping into a book rather than talk/fight/ have fun with my family. I know in my head that I should treasure these times while I have them. Tomorrow I'll move to a new country and these times, this company is what I'll miss the most, even though I'll have all the time I want to read my books! Hell if I continue like this , fat chance I'll ever make new friends and have new adventures there.
Looks like this so called "social" girl has been an introvert in disguise all along. Or maybe I'm a little bit of both. Maybe if I just accept and revel in it, I won't feel trapped anymore. I can be social when I want and retire to my cosy books when I want. Kinda like Jekyl and Hyde, minus all the depressing and sociopathic tendencies obviously!! :P
:)
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