The Pursuit of Happiness Part II

Yesterday night, I reached my room at around 1am…totally exhausted and too tired to even cycle the whole way to the hostel and using music to keep myself up and about. But just as I reached my room, one of my favourite dance numbers came on, and I ended up dancing to not one but 4 songs back to back. BY the end of it all, lots of my joints were aching, I knew I would definitely have a tough time getting any work done the next day….and yet I was completely and totally blissful. For those twenty minutes I was a perfect version of myself, I didn’t have a single negative thought in mind (getting thoughts out of my head is almost an impossible task…..like getting Geet from Jab we met to stop talking!!!).  It was just me and the music and in that moment it was perfect!!

I have tried for a long time now to infuse this kind of enthusiasm for dance in the people around me. Trying desperately to get them to see the kind of joy they were missing out on by not giving themselves to dance. Then yesterday I realized, that I couldn’t possibly hope to succeed because this point of view is not something that is logic bound, it is just something that is inherent in me and so it works for me. And in the meantime, there are probably many equivalent things out there which others may like but I just don’t get!!

So here’s my proposition. I would like to know, what is it that makes you happy. I’m not asking what yo or others might think you are good at, I don’t care if you are pathetic at that activity, all I am concerned about is how happy it makes you feel. It could be anything ranging from reading, writing, running, staring out into space, sleeping or even doing nothing!! If it connects with something deep inside you, makes you feel alive, makes you feel happy, then I would like to know! You might wonder what I might gain from this. Even though I am just asking you to talk about an activity, in essence I am asking you to tell me about something that is very close to your heart. And through this, I’d like to gain some insight….find a new perspective at looking at the things around me, maybe even come to love it like you do. But most importantly it’ll allow me to get to know you a little bit better. This blog has been that for me, a process in learning things that matter to me the most, maybe putting it into words might help do the same for you!

So here’s what you do, either comment on this blog post or email to me (reply to all is also an option if you so wish) telling me up to 3 things that love doing the most and what makes you love it so much. And secondly I would like to know what long term goal (if any) you might have related to them…. might be learning something new about them, taking a course or even teaching it, or just making sure you continue to keep in touch with it as the years pass by. I know I am asking a significant amount of your time (hence the weekend mail!!) and there is no compulsion to reply to it either. But if you do decide to reply. You will have atleast one very interested reader guaranteed!! :)

Yeh Jawaani....

Yesterday, I watched Yeh Jawaani hai Deewani….for the N^th time! :P I’ve spoken to a lot of people regarding what they felt about the movie and have received reviews ranging from horrible, same old story to one-time watch. The only person I know who feels the way I do about the movie is Sahana (God bless her for that!!). We’d both decided that we’d stop trying to debate with people about the movie. Nothing we could say would change their opinion of it….if they didn’t feel it from within then there was nothing we could do to make them see things otherwise! Though that still holds true…after watching the movie again yesterday I couldn’t resist just making one last  attempt at telling people why the movie is special to me.

From the time that we are born, the world is eager to figure us out and categorize/label us. Good girl, bad boy, naughty, obedient, topper, back-bencher, rebel, tomboy, idiot, good-for-nothing….the list is pretty endless and I’m sure all of us have had one or the other label applied to us. Most of the time, people don’t think twice about such labels. But sometimes, as kids, these labels become our identity. People tend to expect certain things from us and we in turn get used to meeting those expectations. The label becoming, not only a self-fulfilling prophecy but also, a self-limiting one. Those boundaries that people lay down for us can sometimes be too difficult to cross and we remain enclosed in this shell of others’ perception of us.  Naina’s story is not too different from my own….someone seen to be this studious girl who was happiest with her books, but who was actually in part hiding behind them. A girl aching to go out there, be brave and  do adventurous fun stuff…but no one, not even her parents, expect her to be interested in any of that and so no one ever asks. That mixture of loneliness and regret….the feeling of life slowing slipping by without you ever having truly lived a moment of it….I can imagine how she must’ve felt, why she’d wanna run away from her life, if only for a few days.

And then comes along Bunny. Most people think its pretty clichéd, Naina’s transformation to this cool chick as soon as she meets a cute guy, but things go much deeper than that. Its very difficult to explain what it means to find someone who sees you for all you can be, when you can’t see it yourself. Who likes and accepts you just as you are, giving you that confidence and freedom to truly open up! And Naina did the same thing for him… saw beyond his antics and humor, to the passion and drive that was at his core. Its no wonder then that they forged a bond that lasted through the years. For once, I felt the treatment of the story was far from clichéd. The maturity that characters like Naina and Aditi show are something you rarely get to see. No wonder then, that with such loving and caring people around him, that Bunny makes the big leap….quitting his dream job, not for a girl, but for himself. Because he finally had the courage to face the fact that circumstances had changed him, changed his dreams, his priorities.

This movie has brought me a whole lot of joy, whether its the songs, ranbir’s awesome dancing, the humorous dialogue or some of those lovely moments between the 4 key characters. To me, it feels real and close to  my heart. Ayan Mukherji has done a fantastic job of bringing back memories of friendship and love. A different story….probably not, but certainly well made. A story not just about deewani jawaani, but of growing up. It’ll be my “Happy Movie” for a while to come! :)

Pursuit of Happiness

If anyone were to ask me, what is the one thing that always makes you happy….the unequivocal answer would be dance and music….of course you might consider that as two different answers, but for me one cannot exist without the other!! No matter what condition I am in….how down in the dumps…dance is one thing that has always lifted my spirits. Whether its watching a dance show on television (rather laptop these days) or actually dancing to a song, dance in all its forms is a constant source of joy. In fact it is the one thing that I don’t think I can ever give up in my life. Even if the only way I manage to keep in touch is shaking a leg while cleaning up my room, it would still mean a lot. In fact, me not responding to music is a sure shot way of confirming that I am no longer alive, irrespective of whether I am still breathing or not. It is the one thing I know I could never give up on….non-negotiable condition, so my husband (whoever that  poor soul is) had better make his peace with it.  

Thankfully, along with loving dance, I also seem to dance pretty decently by normal standards (was going to write "or so I’ve been told" ….but I think I know this much for sure whether or not people agree!!). I’ve learnt classical for quite a while and one of my cousins seriously felt that I should take it up professionally. It’s a notion that I toyed with for a while, still do in fact in a very “what if” kind of way. But in the end, I realized it wasn’t worth the risk! Now don’t get me wrong, by risk I am not referring to the lack of security in the arts stream and all such practical notions. Even though all those considerations are very valid, in today’s day and age, there is a lot of opportunity out there. If you are good, there is a place out there for you! But that is the condition, if you are Good!!! Considering everything, I knew I was a good dancer, but I also knew that I had a lot of work to do to get anywhere close to being a professional. It would mean a lot of hard work and a lot of competition too! To tell you the truth, that is what decided it for me. Ever since I can remember dance has been my escape….the place I go to when the pressures of the world start to get to me. Studies, exams…all these things were always a source of tension no matter how good I was at them. But when I danced, I was free from all of that. I went to class for the pure joy of learning, reveling in appreciation when it came my way, but happy nonetheless. If I took the plunge, decided to take my dance to the next level, I would now be subjecting myself to the pressures of succceding even in dance…..it would be an exam all over again. I’d risk losing the enjoyment that I derived from dance under the pressure of excelling at it.....and thats a risk I just don’t want to take! 

People say the best way to be happy in life is to make your hobby your profession, and I completely agree with it. That would be the ideal situation!!! But sometimes, I feel it might be too much to expect of your hobby/passion to make you happy as well as meet all your other needs!! Not all of us are talented enough  or driven enough to make that dream come true. And sometimes, there are just some criteria which are not in your control, things that cannot be acquired by any amount of hard work…whether it’s the voice quality of an aspiring singer, or the body structure of an aspiring dancer…somethings are not in our hands. But that shouldn’t stop us from pursuing those things, just maybe not professionally. So do something you like, that you are good at or can excel at….earn a living, be comfortable…and make damn sure that you leave enough time for the things and the people you love the most. May not be the best way to happiness, but its close enough for me! :)

Justice....really???

Was just reading a post by a solitary confinement prisoner, William Blake(Voices from solitary: a sentence worse than death). He was convicted of murdering 2 police officials in an attempt to escape and was sentenced to 77years of imprisonment, of which he's spent 25 years in solitary confinement and has quite a few decades more to go! He goes on to describe in chilling detail the life in solitary confinement, deprived of all friendly human contact, completely cut off from everything in the world...left only with the mind-numbing emptiness of your cell and worse yet inside you. How the author has managed to hold on to sanity and hope for so long is incomprehensible to me!!! Reading his essay was so difficult, I can't even imagine living a day of his life....even if i knew that it was just for a day. Knowing that this was a life sentence, never-ending, would have driven me crazy and bereft of the will to live. What manages to drive the writer to get through each day is just beyond me!!

He points out, quite justifiably, that what he has been through is far worse that any number of death sentences in any form!! That no matter how horrible his crime, this form of cruelty was unacceptable. It got me thinking about this whole system of punishment in itself. I can understand that nothing can take away from the severity of the crime he has committed. The loss of their loved one is something those police officials' families are gonna have to live with for the rest of their lives....living out a life sentence of their own in a sense. Snuffing out a life and saying "sorry...it won't happen again" just doesn't cut it. If i were in their place, I'd probably be screaming for revenge and retribution....that the killer should suffer as much as he made his victims suffer. I get all that....atleast theoretically. But that isn't truly what the justice system is about is it?

While its true that the system ensures that we are accountable for our actions, and that we pay for our crimes, its also in essence trying to instill a sense of responsibility in the criminal in the hope of reforming him/her. While noble in intent, I am not so optimist as to think that every criminal can be reformed. Whatever might have been the motive, whatever might have happened in the criminal's past to drive him to such cruelty....there comes a point where you cannot forgive...where you say that no matter what...this is unacceptable!!! I guess that is when you hand out a death penalty to someone....not only with the hope that of reform for that criminal or for the peace of the victim's family but to ensure that you deter anyone else from committing such a heinous crime. In that sense, I can accept the existence of a death penalty!! But when I read about things like solitary confinement....that too for such prolonged periods, it just seems so pointless!! Something so inhuman couldn't possibly have any justification could it?? It sounds more like something entirely born out of hatred and anger!!! I wonder if it gives any comfort to the victim's family knowing that the killer is suffering such hell every moment....or whether the criminals out there even know that such a punishment exists or how bad it actually is. Most of these prisoners probably just go mad in there and die a horrific death. or else come out as irreparably broken men. Does anyone gain anything of measure from the existence of such a punishment?? Or is it just the sadistic pleasure that a few get out of subjecting someone to unimaginable torture....because we can?? Nothing very noble about that! In fact, practically speaking, precious tax-payers' money is probably being wasted on feeding and housing these men for life....who are no good to anyone alive, rather no one wants or hopes of any good to ever come out of them!!!

Maybe there is some important point that I'm missing here....maybe there is a side of this story I just haven't heard yet, a reasoning that would make some sense. It would be easy to write such an account and play on people's sentimentality to win popular sympathy and support. I would be glad to stand corrected but until I know better, I continue to say that this just isn't right!!

Flipped

Someone wise said that if you want to understand someone try putting yourself in their shoes. It’s a very good way to gain insight into any person. But what I’ve come to realize is that it doesn’t always work. Though right in principle, its almost impossible to predict how you would’ve reacted in that particular situation or how you would’ve felt. Try as I might, I can at best sympathize, but not really empathize with anyone!!!

Ironically life seems to be taking care of that problem!!! Past few years, I’ve begun to realize that my life sometimes tends to resemble a coin….and I’ve actually experienced both sides of a situation at different points in time. Situations where I may have hurt someone have come right back to me….and I’ve found myself the recipient of similar treatment. Don’t get me wrong, though it may sound similar I’m not talking about Karma or anything…I don’t nearly have enough knowledge to talk about stuff like that!!! Lets see if I can make this simpler. Has it ever happened to you, that you behaved a certain way with someone and they pointed out to you how you are being unfair or biased or whatever, but to you your behavior was completely justified. Now fast forward a few months, and something similar has now happened to you!!! Suddenly you find yourself saying the same things that had earlier been said to you….the other person’s point suddenly becomes a lot clearer and easier to understand!!!

Well this sort of thing has been happening quite frequently with me of late or maybe I am just more aware of it now! Makes it damn difficult to fight and blame people sometimes…cause I know I might have done the same in their place!!! I guess its all about perspective….its made me realize, I shouldn’t be too quick to pass judgement on anyone. Makes me wonder if there is really any absolute right or wrong  or rather is there any use of any such definitions. In the end, I guess we all just do the best we can in any given situation…..and live with the consequences!!

PS: I understand that this is one of the most confusing posts I’ve ever written. Please forgive me. But it’s the best I could do. If I ever manage to make more sense of these things, I’ll surely share!!! There is a song that really suits this situation…..listen carefully to the lyrics and you’ll get part of what I’m trying to say! 

Gnarls Barkeley : Crazy

Just do the math

Love and marriage has always been a topic of great interest for me. Maybe its just a result of being a girl (there was actually an article describing how hormones can affect our emotional make up and ability to love, making boys and girls inherently different in this area….fascinating stuff!!!) but nonetheless, its one of the few things that has never lost its mystery no matter how long or hard I mull over it. 

Recently, these thoughts have come into greater focus with many of my friends and colleagues deciding to get hitched! Its one of those things that happen at a certain age….a whole lot of girls/boys getting engaged as soon as they begin their 25^th year and married as soon as they turn 26 or 27!!! I never believed it when people said that as you grow older, you automatically feel like getting married…it no longer feels like such a big deal and all that. But seriously, when everyone around you is jumping on that marriage bandwagon, its pretty difficult to not think about it….its almost like peer pressure!!!hehe. Be that as it may, the question of how to figure out who is the right person for you still looms large for me!! I’ve always thought of myself as an eternal romantic. I may not be very filmy in my beliefs, but for a very long time I believed that love overcomes all else, that if you really love someone all other practical considerations are relatively insignificant in comparison. I’ve never been a big fan of logic and practicality in any case. With an alive and kicking conscience, going by “if it feels right, it must be right” has served me pretty well till date.  But experience, my own as well as others, has made me realize things hardly ever pan out that way. Apparently love alone isn’t quite enough to guarantee a successful relationship.  It feels very unlike me to think along those lines, but even if I don’t, everyone else out there seems to be using some kind of check list to evaluate the feasibility of any relationship. I completely agree that one has to evaluate the long term future of any relationship before getting into it, it would seem like such a waste of emotion and effort otherwise!! But how logical one gets in this process is what bothers me. 

Maybe there is some kind of magic formula out there which will tell me which person is ideally suited for me. But the truth is, no matter how ideal a person or how perfect their characteristics, there is no way to predict whether or not you will actually fall for them!!  And if you don’t fall for them, the relationship will probably always seem to be missing something, possibly a passion that only comes with love!!! So apparently, neither one is enough….we need an ideal combination of practicality and emotion to see a relationship through for life!!! Now what are the odds of finding someone like that??!!!! Sometimes I wish there was some kind of program or formula that could just give me the right answer…life would become so much simpler!! But I guess….simple is just too boring for some of us, right?! ;)